I’m 56 years old and yesterday I tried a tab of acid for the first time. I’ve always been pretty wary of psychedelic drugs, but what with quarantine and already being in my 50s, I was just thinking, “What the hell …”
Also, when I was younger and my friends were trying drugs like acid, I was too afraid of my OCD-riddled brain to take anything. But now that I’ve rid myself of OCD (see previous posts in this blog), I am not afraid of adverse effects that might be particular to my type of brain.
I’m also in a stage of my life where I want to explore stimulating my pineal gland, through various techniques including drugs, to have as much of a mind-opening experience on Earth as I can.
And so, my friend and I placed tiny squared of acid-laced paper on our tongues and went for a walk in the new spring weather.
This acid did not have the hallucinatory effects that I expected from movies about hippies — I didn’t see the walls melting. It was easy to function normally, but colors were very bright and everything was BEAUTIFUL. The trees, the flowers, the houses, the dumpsters … I found beauty everywhere and I was very happy. It was a wonderful day saturated with feeling of pure love.
Then today happened. Things look dull by comparison. I’m having trouble seeing beauty even as much as I did before I took the acid (I always intentionally notice beauty in nature and am grateful for living in the age of trees). Trees look like, well, trees, and dumpsters are ugly again.
My friend who took the drug with me is experiencing the same thing, and is pretty sad about life today.
This got me thinking about the heart chakra. My first thought was that I had to fix this — I had to recharge my heart chakra with energy work, maybe with teas made from herbs like hawthorn that affect one’s heart.
But now, I’m thinking that my energetic heart is just tired — it was super-charges and extremely opened up all day yesterday. It’s natural for it to close and rest, and for my thoughts to turn inward. My friend and I are not trying to push our feelings away, not trying to “fix” them, but just to observe them.
I am still planning to do lots of energy work — reiki, qigong, to keep the qi flowing. But I am going to allow myself to be grateful for my experience on LSD and to give my body and mind a little quiet recuperation time.
I think there can be benefit for me in trying drugs like LSD, and being open to any insights that come to the surface during those altered states. But, though at the time I thought it would be great to live every day on acid, I recognize that my heart chakra needs balance. You don’t run a marathon the day after you run a marathon!
Need another metaphor? I spent the whole day in the sun; the sun felt great, sunlight is good for me, but I got burned and I need to let my skin heal before I jump back outside and get more sunshine.
It’s time to appreciate the balance that resting provides, and keep enjoying this life journey. And you know, the tree right outside my apartment door is still beautiful.
