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Let Them be Filled with Hatred; I Am Free of Resentment
I don’t generally hold on to grudges. I know people who internalize and clutch onto the slights of others, and relive the resulting pain over and over for years. One nice thing about a lifetime of OCD is that it let me know that there is freedom and a resulting peace from forgetting. I think that OCD drove me to habitual forgetfulness because my mind was always so busy with useless repetitive thoughts that was little space in my brain for keeping track of where I parked. So that’s the downside of forgetfulness. But there is an upside: I forget that I’m mad at people.
Sometimes, we don’t want to forget our anger, especially if its over something that has never been resolved. We might catastrophize or fantasize about conversations where we really let the person have it, where we explain why we are good and they are unfair … but those imaginary conversations only result in keeping us stressed, which is harmful to our health and wellbeing.
Although I am generally good about letting go of anger and resentment, there are some situations in my life that present a partcularly tough challenge in that regard. I have some family members who have not extended to me the compassion, empathy or forgiveness I would have extended to them. They hate me and want nothing to do with me, even though in my mind I never did anything to harm them…
