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We use OCD as an irrational attempt to protect us from suffering. Suffering comes from fear. The fear that things will go wrong. The fear that your past will “catch up with you.” The fear that people will disapprove of you, leave you, hate you. All of these fears are essentially the fear of your basic needs not being met. What are your basic needs?
Survival (food, shelter, health)
Love (success, approval, acceptance, belonging, connection)
Happiness (meaning, autonomy, competence)
None of the obsessive-compulsive repetitive thoughts or actions I engage in will have any effect on me getting these needs met. That doesn’t mean that nothing you think has any effect on your reality. In fact, your thoughts, feelings and attitudes are extremely powerful in shaping your experiences in life.
You can prove this to yourself with a simple experiment. Spend an entire day noting everything positive you sense (see, hear, smell, feel or taste). Write down a list: that woman just held the door open for the next customer; my friend called me to see how I was doing; these flowers smell wonderful. For one day, keep track of every act of loving-kindness and every pleasant smell, sight or sound, no matter how small, with the intent of reviewing the list at the end of the day. Does this affect your experience during the day–how sad or happy you feel?
What you are doing in this experiment is continually redirecting your mind to the positive things that surround you in life. There are positives and negatives. We should notice them both. But what we choose to dwell on and return to in thought determines our over-all outlook and interpretation of the day. Is this a “bad day” or a “good day”? If you are in a negative mental state, you can reinforce those awful feelings by paying attention to every negative thing: “What a jerk! They cut me off in traffic!” “I hate that person’s laugh! I wish they would shut up!” That mindset can keep you from noticing the positive things in life. You come to expect, and even look for, negativity to confirm that your gloomy state of mind is justified.
Some things you come across can be interpreted negatively or positively depending on your receptivity. For example, if you see a couple holding hands, you can either feel joy for their expression of love or jealousy and resentment for their public display of affection. Your mindset and accompanying biases largely determine what kind of day you will have. And this affects the likelihood that you will get your basic needs met. Are you open to opportunities or too cynical and self-protected to notice and take advantage of them?
Suggested practice:
Make a note in your phone, on paper, or, if you have a great memory, in your mind, of every positive thing you observe throughout the day. Compile the list and review it at the end of the day. Let this be a reminder that regardless of the negativity that people may dwell in, that our world is overflowing with love, kindness and beauty.
